Bob Cavanagh

I am a specialist couples’ and relationship counsellor. I work only with couples.
(Note: I do no individual therapy work at all).

Areas of Special Interest

The approach I use is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is a systemic research-based way of working with couples developed first in the 1980’s and is widely used in NZ and internationally. It has been my specialist approach since 2008.

Counselling Services

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples stop fighting, and regain connectedness, safety and love.

EFT works more deeply than just “skills and strategies”. We help couples go deeper to get to the guts of what drives typically destructive behaviour patterns.

• Disconnected couples tend to repeat negative patterns – over and over again.
  most common cycle, occurs when one partner pursues or protests: demands, nags, criticises, gets angry, and maybe then shuts down and gives up; and the other partner withdraws: minimises, justifies, defends, maybe counter-attacks, or numbs out and walks away.
• EFT helps couples see this negative cycle in a different light. “Pursue” looks like ‘attack and blame’ but is really a cry, even a desperate cry, for connection, love and being valued. And “withdraw” which looks like ‘not hearing/ not caring ’ is usually an effort to protect self and/or partner from making things worse, often with a sense of despair and not knowing what else to do.
• EFT initially helps couples de-escalate their conflict and find more safety.
  From there they learn to reconnect, ask for what they need, and consolidate new cycles of mutual acceptance, trust, safety, comfort and emotional connection.

Background and Experience

I’ve been working with EFT since 2008.

From among the hundreds of counsellors, psychotherapists and psychologists who have attended EFT training in NZ I was one of the first to push on to gain ‘Certification’ status – which is the international recognition of competency in working with EFT.

I was accepted by the international Center for training as an EFT supervisor, but have let that lapse as I have cut back my hours of work.

For about 5 years I was an accredited Family Court Counsellor.

I have a wide range of work and life experience, and on my website you can see details about my other training and experience.